Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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