She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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