I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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