That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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