Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then he tried to convert me to islam
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
