I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize