Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
