Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
