tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize