My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
