Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
