i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Mom said you looked used
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
