So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
