I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
