I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
