david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize