Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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