He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No subtext here. People are naked.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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