So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
