I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
