I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I can text with my tongue
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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