Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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