ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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