yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
