Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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