oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
