Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
