i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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