i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
