he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
