so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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