i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
