Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
