I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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