sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
