i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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