Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
