I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
