I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
