I'm so fucking centered right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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