don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
