i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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