She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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