I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
