Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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