I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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