Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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