I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
