i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
