Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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