We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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