Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize