I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
