maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
