Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
