I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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