Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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