Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
