so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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