He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize