i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
